I wanted to post a topic which my friends could comment on which everyone could relate to or have an opinion on. GOING DUTCH!
Going Dutch is a term used when a man and woman, out on a date/"friend outing", each pay for their own expenses or split the bill. This leads into debate in regards to the traditional idea of a man courting a woman. Recently, there have been more discussions in regards to going dutch with the current economic crisis our country is facing.
When is going dutch appropriate? How do the rules apply? Should you suggest? How would you react upon the request? How does the idea make you feel? Do you make assumptions about the man, and or his financial situation after he makes the proposition?...
Before I write my conclusion, I would like to hear from the readers! Feel free to interpret this as you desire, and also comment in reference to previous comments if you wish.
I would like this to be the first of many interactive topics and I need your participation. As always, feel free to invite a friend to check out the blog and the current topic. I look forward to your responses.
Your...Male Best Friend.
P.S. Ladies...ask male co-workers, friends, or even significant others their opinions. Feel free to invite them to post, or do give insight to opinions you've heard and your reaction/feeling toward them.
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I, personally, don't care for "going dutch." But I am also a woman that does not mind paying every once in a while. I think "going dutch" can be applied when you are going on vacation with your significant other but other than that I am not a fan. I would be offended if a man asked me out and than only paid for his half of the bill. As far as a man asking to "go dutch", I don't think that is cool at all, especially with someone new.
ReplyDeleteIt's not appropriate for the first date for the woman to pay- not 'drinks' but a DATE, ie dinner/ movie. I ALWAYS reach to show my intent to 'pay' but I like hearing, 'I got it' from him. If I don't hear it, I'll pay but you'll never get a second date out of moi. He is officially El Cheapo!
ReplyDeleteI am a fan of paying every now and again down the line but chivalry is alive and well in my book. If a man is not prepared to foot the bill and take care of the woman he wants to be with he might as well reconsider his need to be seriously dating- or dating at all.
Last, there are the exceptions when women take advantage of men and of that I am NOT a fan! As a woman, esp on the 1st date, you DO NOT by any means order more in $$ than you can afford, esp if he opts not to pay. Serves the woman right to get played....see : http://abelleinbrooklyn.blogspot.com/2008/12/fw-forward.html
I never heard of that term before, so thanks for clearing it up. I think a man paying is just keeping it old school and a man would show much respect for the woman if he paid for the date expenses, at least for the first couple of dates. Although, its cool to go "dutch" because different people want different things. A man might see himself paying for a woman as though she's cheap and she wants him to pay for everything. And of course vice versa.
ReplyDeletePersonally, I don't mind either, if I got the funds to pay for myself. Luckily I have a man who doesn't mind and wants to pay my expenses. :D
Going even a bit further back… The idea of “courting” is an old-fashioned idea, in the era when it was not common for woman to work. A man was approved by the father of the woman based on family & personal history as well as his ability to “take care” of the woman. Since the woman did not work to provide income, she was presumed a house-wife. She gladly took on the responsibilities of the home, children, and was awaiting home for her husband, upon his return from a long day at work.
ReplyDeleteI have a mixed view on the idea of going Dutch, though I wanted to post the discussion just to make this whole topic more transparent for my FRIENDS who may be SSBW…( Single Successful Black Woman). That is a whole other topic, which will be discussed in another post, but let’s continue. It must be noted that the as the time has changed, so have gender and race roles in America. Nationally, men average a higher salary than woman in America, though in “Black America”, this statistic is swapped. Black Women’s success in numbers has by far surpassed their black male counterpart.
I live by the above stated, the person who invited the other pays. In my personal experiences, I am the aggressor and generally pursue woman and will invite them on a “first date” and will assume responsibility for the costs of the outing. I have also been approached by woman interested in me, who have invited me out, and will-fully accepted the responsibility of the expenses of the date. Traditionally…boy likes girl, boy asks girl on a date, TRUE. This is still the most common practice, though our new social interactions and growth from “traditional roles” of each sex has provided so many other possible situations and encounters. Men and woman are interacting through education, professionally and socially more than ever. Your options for mates are no longer confined to your high school or a family friend, but now across the world with the technology we have access to today.
The modern woman is no longer playing the role of the house wife. On average, she is now higher educated and more driven than the male. By choice, woman have dismissed the customary role and responsibilities of the house wife, as a certainty. In short, the modern woman and her role in society has changed drastically. With that said, can we not expect the same for a male?...
I will save this post from opinion, as I just wanted to collectively post ideas and allow both men and woman to approach dating and paying from a holistic view. Not only are we in a financial crisis in the world, though woman are making the same if not more on average than men. As woman are now ALSO in search for that “ideal worthy mate” as once seemed to be the quest of men, should they not share the expense of that process? With the more randomly occurring interactions, both business and social, there is more room for relationships which are strictly platonic, as well as mixed signals crossing. Would a “Dutch Date” to provide you with private time outside of your normal group or random passing interaction be so farfetched? This would leave no debt, or sense of being used for either, in the event that there were no romantic sparks exchanged and the first or second date, would also be the last. We will also save the topic of the women who use and abuse men for dates when they are clearly not interested romantically but show enough interest to keep the man chasing, for another post as well (Thankfully, my background has saved me from falling victim to that trauma).
Some woman stray away from pursuing men. This idea, with the growth of the perception of a women’s role, is now socially acceptable. On the other hand, throwing yourself at a man, is not attractive. Going just a little out of your way with a smile, or speaking briefly with a greeting, are easy forwards that do not require much effort. A man can be just as equally interested in you, or not have noticed you by chance, though be interested completely. Some men, may just be a little intimidated due to failed attempts in the past with woman he may put on a pedestal, like yourself. Going even further, to suggest an outing with a man you know or have met would be flattering for him, and held within high regard. To offer to take the entire bill, will make him blush, and chances are he will insist he handle it. The over and above, planning the entire date and covering all of the expenses…BREATHTAKING! As a starter…maybe just cover a round of drinks if you’re not too crazy about the whole idea. As woman like men to show their affection and interest through action, men do as well. And ladies, wake-up call…SEX…is not the answer!
Taking away the control of the financial situation from just one side is a great thing for both parties. It forces both to be more creative to express their affections. It allows both to see the depth of the real person, versus the truth being shaded by a façade. A man can create himself to fit any bill if he deems that necessary to “get you”, but that may not be the life he truly is, And you…FRIEND, will catch the short end in the long run. A man would even spend money on a “prostitute” for sex. But only a man genuinely interested will invest thought, time and continuous effort. Though, this does not validate your, mental timeline for each step of progress in your relationship. You are an intelligent successful woman, you can make proper judgment. Although to do so, it’s in your best interest to remove all the opportunities for BS and false characterization.
Yes, Your Weekly bottle popper, steak house regular, BMW driver…may have no savings, stocks investments nor his own place.
Woman, besides clothes shopping…you spend smart when you can. Your mind, on average more than a man’s, thinks of the future in regards to your finances.
In closing, ask yourself this question:
Would you rather a man take you out on lavish expensive dates, purchase your expensive taste items, and splurge to show his “affection” OR him have been spending wisely to contribute or purchase for you in advance, that house, engagement ring, and wedding you’ve always dreamed of?
Unless your dating an investment banker who went to college on a scholarship…the odds of both, are not in your favor!
Just a thought…