Friends,
I know that I have slowed down tremendously though I know that I have a duty to uphold and I am ready to get back to work. As always, I am here for you. I have a few things I would like to share that are on my mind that I know would be beneficial. Though, it is my passion to address personal issues you may be having. I'm calling out to all woman for their help in providing me with new hot topics I can post about. Spawnie, I have u covered first. And I will respond in order of submit following.
Also, for your benefit, I just completed the Steve Harvey book: "Act Like A Lady, Think Like a Man". My review of the book is coming shortly as well. I am going to add it to my list of books recommended, though my goal is to give you even better, more specific info.
If you don't really want to purchase the book, feel free to email me at mymalebestfriend@gmail.com for a free copy courtesy of me :)
Special Shout to the 'ladies' who I donated my extra copy of the book to while on the plane ride back home. I hope you too, become followers and I can become Your...Male Best Friend!
Monday, April 20, 2009
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
Dating Advice: Top 10 Relationship Tips
Beginning a relationship is generally the easy part; it's maintaining the connection that gets a little tricky. That's why a growing number of twosomes (whether or not they've tied the knot) are going into couples therapy as a preemptive strike against the tough times that will inevitably hit... and to learn how to keep the good times flowing. To give you a leg up in your love life, the country's top relationship experts' crucial things they've uncovered over the years are shared below -- from big-picture philosophies to little gestures that go a long way. These practices will help keep your union in a happy, healthy place.
1. Act Out of Character. Couples develop a particular dynamic: the way they relate to each other that repeats itself over and over. If you break that pattern and act against type -- in a positive way -- you inject new life into the relationship. For example, if you always get angry at your guy when he doesn't follow through on some chore, try addressing him in a nicer, more friendly tone, then thank him when he does a good job. It works every time. -- Toni Coleman, psychotherapist and relationship coach in McLean, Virginia
2. Get in Touch a Lot. No doubt you hug and kiss each other. But simple acts like stroking his arm while you're watching TV and taking his hand when you're walking down the street are also ways to bond. Touching your partner throughout the day triggers your feel-good hormones, which reinforces your affection and makes you feel closer on an instinctive level. -- Psychotherapist Barton Goldsmith, PhD, author of "Emotional Fitness for Couples"
3. Take Turns Talking. To make sure you both get a chance to state what's on your mind during a disagreement -- and get your points across -- alternate playing reflective therapist, where one listens while the other talks. -- Psychologist Diana Kirschner, PhD, author of "Opening Love's Door"
4. Find the Intersection. When making decisions together, try to find common ground. You each should write down exactly what you want. Let's say you're angling for a vacay in San Francisco to see the sights and hit up the cool shops and restaurants, while he wants a tropical getaway where he can veg out by the pool and sip drinks with umbrellas in the glass. Now that your desires are clearly laid out on paper, you can pick a place that will satisfy both your needs. A cool city, a little sun... how about Miami? -- Paul Dobransky, MD, author of "The Secret Psychology of How We Fall in Love"
5. Be More Positive Than Negative. There's a more effective way to air grievances than to file an angry complaint. Sandwich your negative comment between two positives. If you want to complain about how he's always late, for example, try something like "You know, I love that you're so laid-back and easygoing, but it really bothers me when you show up so late. I'm sure you can still be the fun guy I adore and also be on time." -- Los Angeles psychologist Yvonne Thomas, PhD
6. Echo Each Other. When you and your man are having a serious relationship talk, it's easy to get so caught up in how you want to respond that you're not really listening to what's being said. That's why it's important for both of you to repeat each other: so you know you've been heard and you feel understood. -- Yvonne Thomas
7. Take a Time-Out. Neither of you is perfect, and the quirks you both have are here to stay. So rather than let those annoying traits work your last nerve, try to get in touch with the upside of those particular flaws, even if it's not immediately recognizable. Instead of getting annoyed when he starts screaming at the TV, for example, remind yourself how much you love his passion. Or if his shyness with new people bugs you, think about how refreshing it is to be with a chill, genuine guy rather than a blowhard who needs to chat with everyone in the room. -- Denver psychologist Jennifer Oikle, PhD, dating coach for Coupling Connection
8. Have His Back. You might not agree with your guy when he's had a riff with a friend or he thinks his boss is being unfair, but you should always be on his side... and vice versa. Otherwise, you'll both feel like you can't count on each other. That doesn't mean you have to take the "you're so right" route all the time. Just hear him out, and let him know that you'll support him no matter what. -- New York City psychotherapist JoAnn Magdoff, PhD
9. Spend a Little Money on Each Other. You don't have to wait for a special occasion to give small presents to show your love. In fact, gifts are more fun -- and meaningful -- when they're not expected. Try to get into the habit of exchanging sweet tokens of appreciation for no particular reason. Don't go and blow your paycheck though. It's not about being extravagant; it's just a way of showing that you really get -- and think about -- each other. Maybe you buy him a tee of his favorite band that you saw on sale or he gets you a pair of pajamas in your favorite color. -- Barton Goldsmith
10. Be a Good Date. Face it, no one can stay fascinating forever. After being together for a while, the initial excitement fades, and your guy can start to get kind of boring sometimes. Hey, don't think you're off the hook -- if you're feeling a little ho-hum about him, the feeling is likely mutual! To combat the blahs, take turns coming up with an interesting date idea every month. Keep the time and details to yourself, and try to think outside the box -- dinner and a movie is not exactly innovative. An awesome concert or a snowboarding lesson, for example, is a much less predictable treat. -- Jennifer Oikle
1. Act Out of Character. Couples develop a particular dynamic: the way they relate to each other that repeats itself over and over. If you break that pattern and act against type -- in a positive way -- you inject new life into the relationship. For example, if you always get angry at your guy when he doesn't follow through on some chore, try addressing him in a nicer, more friendly tone, then thank him when he does a good job. It works every time. -- Toni Coleman, psychotherapist and relationship coach in McLean, Virginia
2. Get in Touch a Lot. No doubt you hug and kiss each other. But simple acts like stroking his arm while you're watching TV and taking his hand when you're walking down the street are also ways to bond. Touching your partner throughout the day triggers your feel-good hormones, which reinforces your affection and makes you feel closer on an instinctive level. -- Psychotherapist Barton Goldsmith, PhD, author of "Emotional Fitness for Couples"
3. Take Turns Talking. To make sure you both get a chance to state what's on your mind during a disagreement -- and get your points across -- alternate playing reflective therapist, where one listens while the other talks. -- Psychologist Diana Kirschner, PhD, author of "Opening Love's Door"
4. Find the Intersection. When making decisions together, try to find common ground. You each should write down exactly what you want. Let's say you're angling for a vacay in San Francisco to see the sights and hit up the cool shops and restaurants, while he wants a tropical getaway where he can veg out by the pool and sip drinks with umbrellas in the glass. Now that your desires are clearly laid out on paper, you can pick a place that will satisfy both your needs. A cool city, a little sun... how about Miami? -- Paul Dobransky, MD, author of "The Secret Psychology of How We Fall in Love"
5. Be More Positive Than Negative. There's a more effective way to air grievances than to file an angry complaint. Sandwich your negative comment between two positives. If you want to complain about how he's always late, for example, try something like "You know, I love that you're so laid-back and easygoing, but it really bothers me when you show up so late. I'm sure you can still be the fun guy I adore and also be on time." -- Los Angeles psychologist Yvonne Thomas, PhD
6. Echo Each Other. When you and your man are having a serious relationship talk, it's easy to get so caught up in how you want to respond that you're not really listening to what's being said. That's why it's important for both of you to repeat each other: so you know you've been heard and you feel understood. -- Yvonne Thomas
7. Take a Time-Out. Neither of you is perfect, and the quirks you both have are here to stay. So rather than let those annoying traits work your last nerve, try to get in touch with the upside of those particular flaws, even if it's not immediately recognizable. Instead of getting annoyed when he starts screaming at the TV, for example, remind yourself how much you love his passion. Or if his shyness with new people bugs you, think about how refreshing it is to be with a chill, genuine guy rather than a blowhard who needs to chat with everyone in the room. -- Denver psychologist Jennifer Oikle, PhD, dating coach for Coupling Connection
8. Have His Back. You might not agree with your guy when he's had a riff with a friend or he thinks his boss is being unfair, but you should always be on his side... and vice versa. Otherwise, you'll both feel like you can't count on each other. That doesn't mean you have to take the "you're so right" route all the time. Just hear him out, and let him know that you'll support him no matter what. -- New York City psychotherapist JoAnn Magdoff, PhD
9. Spend a Little Money on Each Other. You don't have to wait for a special occasion to give small presents to show your love. In fact, gifts are more fun -- and meaningful -- when they're not expected. Try to get into the habit of exchanging sweet tokens of appreciation for no particular reason. Don't go and blow your paycheck though. It's not about being extravagant; it's just a way of showing that you really get -- and think about -- each other. Maybe you buy him a tee of his favorite band that you saw on sale or he gets you a pair of pajamas in your favorite color. -- Barton Goldsmith
10. Be a Good Date. Face it, no one can stay fascinating forever. After being together for a while, the initial excitement fades, and your guy can start to get kind of boring sometimes. Hey, don't think you're off the hook -- if you're feeling a little ho-hum about him, the feeling is likely mutual! To combat the blahs, take turns coming up with an interesting date idea every month. Keep the time and details to yourself, and try to think outside the box -- dinner and a movie is not exactly innovative. An awesome concert or a snowboarding lesson, for example, is a much less predictable treat. -- Jennifer Oikle
Thursday, March 5, 2009
7 Scary Truths About Getting Engaged
7 Scary Truths About Getting Engaged
The bling-bling ring and fine fiancé are divine. But there's a lot of surprising baggage that comes with them (and no one warns you about it). Before you freak, turn to these sanity-saving tips.
By Colleen Rush.
You have wedding bells chiming in your head and a prebridal buzz pumping through your veins. Once you are engaged, life is perfect. Right? Well, kinda. Of course you get giddy recounting how he popped the question and wagging your rock at everyone. But wait, maybe you don't always feel so fabulous. Maybe doubts and freak-outs are crashing your party, to the point where you're thinking, Boy ... I'm not feeling like the world's most deliriously happy fiancée anymore.Okay, don't panic. It's normal and even necessary to experience premarital mini-dramas, so the biggest mistake you could make at this point is not riding them out. All it takes is a little patience, savvy, and forethought to sail through to "I do." Here's how to navigate around these before-the-wedding bliss busters — from your friends becoming jealous of the newly engaged you to arguing with your fiancé about money. This way you're more prepared (and excited) for your big day and thereafter.
SCARY TRUTH 1You Start Noticing (and Cringing at) His Little QuirksWhen you're simply dating, you don't pay much mind to his weird little idiosyncrasies, like his penchant for telling The World's Longest Story to your whip-smart friends, only to end with, "Uh, I forgot why I was telling that story." But when you're thisclose to marrying the man, his minor flaws suddenly grow into major personality defects because you realize they'll be with you for life. "My fiancé sits up straight when he burps so he can get much better tone and volume," says Mary,* 29. "It never bothered me before, but now I imagine him doing that in front of our kids and I think, He's my soul mate?"
But just because you notice those gross or annoying habits — maybe even for the first time — doesn't necessarily mean they'll grate on you until you die. "It's normal to take stock of the little things when you're talking about living with someone forever," says Li Robbins, author of Going Bridal: How to Get Married Without Losing Your Mind. In essence, you're giving him a closer inspection, sort of like when you buy a car. You scrutinize dents and everything under the hood before you sign on the dotted line. And sure, you'll find flaws if you look hard enough, but that doesn't mean he's not a keeper. "Once the wedding hoopla is over, you won't even remember most of the petty issues that seemed impossible to live with," says Robbins. And the rest? Remember you're in love with this guy for the real reasons, not because he polishes the toilet seat or sets the table perfectly (otherwise, you'd be marrying Thom from Queer Eye).
SCARY TRUTH 2Your Friends Get Flaky ... or CrankyThe very people who brought you Kleenex and bonbons when you were at your worst hour may seem to turn on you in the afterglow of your engagement, griping about the bridesmaid dresses or forgetting to call you on girls' night out. "Like it or not, your getting engaged is an emotional experience for your friends too," says Sara Bliss, author of The Thoroughly Modern Married Girl. "They're reflecting on where they are in their lives. They might be jealous because they're still single or because they've been dating longer than you, or even angry if they feel like they're losing a friend. And quite frankly, some of them are going to be a pain in the neck."By the same token, understand that even your best girlfriends will tire of hearing you go on and on about cake tastings and dress fittings. Make a point of asking about their jobs, families, and love interests. And though your schedule may be jammed, keep a few "friend rituals" in place, like weekly drink dates or window-shopping together. But if some pals clearly aren't supportive of you (you know, the suddenly toxic ones who talk about the skyrocketing divorce rates or how overpriced wedding dresses are), it's okay to let 'em go, along with the sidekicks who were fun to guy-hunt with but can't accept the bonded you. "Getting engaged is the perfect excuse to weed out superficial friends," says Bliss. "You outgrow certain people, and that's okay."
SCARY TRUTH 3You Turn into the Nag You Swore You'd Never BeYou silently vowed you'd never evolve into one of those high-strung fiancées. Yet, chances are, you'll find yourself screeching at him at some point because he forgot to call the photographer or griping "I'll do it myself — as usual" whenever he flakes on planning. "You have to realize that he didn't grow up dreaming about his wedding the way you did," says Robbins, "and he might be staying out of the way because he's afraid of screwing up. Don't confuse his laid-back attitude about your wedding with his feelings for the marriage."You also have to factor in the outside angst that's making you turn on your fiancé. Suddenly, everyone's making wedding demands on you ("I need a vegetarian entrée!"; "Can I bring along my six cousins?"), not him. So find clever ways to mobilize him into action, suggests Bliss. Entrust him with all the honeymoon details. Give him a guy-friendly to-do list of jobs, like checking out bands, going to the caterer tasting, setting up transportation, and laser-tagging cool gadgets for your registry.
SCARY TRUTH 4You (Possibly) Feel Tempted to CheatMen aren't the only ones who panic at the thought of sleeping with the same person forever — women can get equally anxious. And it's not because your sex life together is eh. It's that once you're engaged, other men become the forbidden fruit. You start thinking about all the varieties you've never had or can't ever sample again, like the ex whose chemistry rocked your world or the flirty bartender who slips you his number. Along with those thoughts may come mental loopholes like, "It's not so bad if I fool around, because I'm not actually married yet." Take Karen, 26, for example. "My bachelorette party was one of the first official drunken girls' nights out I'd had since the engagement. I was looking around thinking, I could hook up with so many guys here. Later, I felt so guilty for even imagining it."When you're a bride-to-be, it may seem like a betrayal to be attracted to someone else. But really, it's just part of the program. "You don't lobotomize your libido when you get engaged," says Dale Atkins, PhD, a psychologist in New York City and the advice columnist for WeddingChannel.com. "Wondering if you'll get bored or checking out the UPS guy's rear doesn't mean that you'll be unfaithful or you're not made for each other. It shows you're still a sexual being with desires, and believe me, your fiancé is okay with that." Because for all the lusty daydreams you may have, it's still just in your head, not your heart.
SCARY TRUTH 5Little Signs "We're Not Meant to Be" Start Cropping UpOnce you're engaged, insignificant situations have a way of snowballing into major issues. The blender from him that was a testament to your margarita-making skills now seems like a domestic shackle. Your lust life tapers off for a week, and instead of thinking it's from wedding stress, you're convinced it's a forecast of boring marital sex. Habits of his that were charming and hopeful before you got engaged — such as dreamily mentioning that he'd like to open a cigar bar someday or hatching yet another wacky get-rich-quick plan — are just scary now."Little things take on huge meaning because your expectations have changed without your realizing it," says Atkins. Getting engaged is really the starting point for building your life together, and you start envisioning the long-term, from what kind of couple you'll be to what your life together will be like.And while it's healthy to wonder about the future, don't overanalyze. "Reading too much into his behavior and lumping those so-called red flags together is what makes them seem so overwhelming, so take each little sign for what it really is," says Atkins. (Sometimes a blender is just a blender.) And when it comes to dealing with his out-of-left-field whims, eventually you'll learn what's legit and when he's fantasizing after a crappy day in his cubicle. You'll also feel more secure that you'll make those big decisions as a couple when the time is right.SCARY TRUTH 6Cash Becomes a Tricky TopicWhen you're planning a wedding, you'll be faced with making major money decisions together that will reveal things you never knew about each other. You're a budget freak, and he's never balanced a checkbook. You want a big, fat wedding, but he'd rather have a big, fat house. "Everyone thinks that sex is so hard to talk about, but discussing money is more personal in a lot of ways," says Jonathan Rich, PhD, author of The Couple's Guide to Love and Money. But you have to talk Benjamins now.
The three things you need to discuss are how much the wedding will cost, who is contributing (between the two of you and both sets of parents), and how much each is putting in, says Rich. Getting those numbers in black and white will spare you the awkward, possibly ugly confrontation later, but expect to have a few disagreements. "Like most guys, he may have no clue about wedding costs, or he may have other plans for your cash," says Rich. "This is an opportunity to find out his views on money, what kind of lifestyle he envisions, and how the two of you can create a financially and emotionally stable life together."SCARY TRUTH 7Both of You Begin to ChangeOf course marriage gives you a new outlook on life, but changes really start when you get the ring. You go from being spontaneous, self-sufficient Me to a more cautious, settled, future-oriented We overnight. It's easy to get spooked by the subtle shift in your personality, but it's really a rite of passage. "You're in the process of letting go a part of your identity as a single woman, and it's perfectly natural to be a little sad or upset when you recognize those changes," says Atkins. But the truth is, the new, almost-married you is still ... you. You're simply evolving, the same way you did at every major turn of events in your life, from losing your virginity to going to college to starting your first job. The only difference is, when you're engaged, you're not alone in the transition. "I know my fiancé is giving up some of his bachelor freedom too," says Tyler, 28. "We talk about how weird it is, but because we're both experiencing it, I don't feel like I'm losing anything. We're slowly morphing into a true couple."BRIDE-TO-BE BONUSESWhen the pre-wedding frenzy has you wigging out, look forward to this jackpot of gems.Two words: gift registry. It's impolite to talk about it, but the idea of scoring all that loot is what gets you through those days when you want to leave your fiancé on the side of the road somewhere far, far away.Calling him "my fiancé." It's much better than the ever-so-high-schoolish "my boyfriend."Happy-couple perks. People are always giving you freebies and upgrades when they hear you're newly engaged, such as bottles of champagne and free dessert at restaurants.Shacking up. Parents who kept you strictly separated for overnighters at home tend to loosen up and let the lovebirds share a room.Family heirlooms. Grandma's pricey jewels and other sentimental stuff that's handed down through the family gets passed to you at wedding time. And some of it's actually good.Honeymoon planning. Think warm beaches, exotic cuisine, and having mucho, mucho "alone time".
The bling-bling ring and fine fiancé are divine. But there's a lot of surprising baggage that comes with them (and no one warns you about it). Before you freak, turn to these sanity-saving tips.
By Colleen Rush.
You have wedding bells chiming in your head and a prebridal buzz pumping through your veins. Once you are engaged, life is perfect. Right? Well, kinda. Of course you get giddy recounting how he popped the question and wagging your rock at everyone. But wait, maybe you don't always feel so fabulous. Maybe doubts and freak-outs are crashing your party, to the point where you're thinking, Boy ... I'm not feeling like the world's most deliriously happy fiancée anymore.Okay, don't panic. It's normal and even necessary to experience premarital mini-dramas, so the biggest mistake you could make at this point is not riding them out. All it takes is a little patience, savvy, and forethought to sail through to "I do." Here's how to navigate around these before-the-wedding bliss busters — from your friends becoming jealous of the newly engaged you to arguing with your fiancé about money. This way you're more prepared (and excited) for your big day and thereafter.
SCARY TRUTH 1You Start Noticing (and Cringing at) His Little QuirksWhen you're simply dating, you don't pay much mind to his weird little idiosyncrasies, like his penchant for telling The World's Longest Story to your whip-smart friends, only to end with, "Uh, I forgot why I was telling that story." But when you're thisclose to marrying the man, his minor flaws suddenly grow into major personality defects because you realize they'll be with you for life. "My fiancé sits up straight when he burps so he can get much better tone and volume," says Mary,* 29. "It never bothered me before, but now I imagine him doing that in front of our kids and I think, He's my soul mate?"
But just because you notice those gross or annoying habits — maybe even for the first time — doesn't necessarily mean they'll grate on you until you die. "It's normal to take stock of the little things when you're talking about living with someone forever," says Li Robbins, author of Going Bridal: How to Get Married Without Losing Your Mind. In essence, you're giving him a closer inspection, sort of like when you buy a car. You scrutinize dents and everything under the hood before you sign on the dotted line. And sure, you'll find flaws if you look hard enough, but that doesn't mean he's not a keeper. "Once the wedding hoopla is over, you won't even remember most of the petty issues that seemed impossible to live with," says Robbins. And the rest? Remember you're in love with this guy for the real reasons, not because he polishes the toilet seat or sets the table perfectly (otherwise, you'd be marrying Thom from Queer Eye).
SCARY TRUTH 2Your Friends Get Flaky ... or CrankyThe very people who brought you Kleenex and bonbons when you were at your worst hour may seem to turn on you in the afterglow of your engagement, griping about the bridesmaid dresses or forgetting to call you on girls' night out. "Like it or not, your getting engaged is an emotional experience for your friends too," says Sara Bliss, author of The Thoroughly Modern Married Girl. "They're reflecting on where they are in their lives. They might be jealous because they're still single or because they've been dating longer than you, or even angry if they feel like they're losing a friend. And quite frankly, some of them are going to be a pain in the neck."By the same token, understand that even your best girlfriends will tire of hearing you go on and on about cake tastings and dress fittings. Make a point of asking about their jobs, families, and love interests. And though your schedule may be jammed, keep a few "friend rituals" in place, like weekly drink dates or window-shopping together. But if some pals clearly aren't supportive of you (you know, the suddenly toxic ones who talk about the skyrocketing divorce rates or how overpriced wedding dresses are), it's okay to let 'em go, along with the sidekicks who were fun to guy-hunt with but can't accept the bonded you. "Getting engaged is the perfect excuse to weed out superficial friends," says Bliss. "You outgrow certain people, and that's okay."
SCARY TRUTH 3You Turn into the Nag You Swore You'd Never BeYou silently vowed you'd never evolve into one of those high-strung fiancées. Yet, chances are, you'll find yourself screeching at him at some point because he forgot to call the photographer or griping "I'll do it myself — as usual" whenever he flakes on planning. "You have to realize that he didn't grow up dreaming about his wedding the way you did," says Robbins, "and he might be staying out of the way because he's afraid of screwing up. Don't confuse his laid-back attitude about your wedding with his feelings for the marriage."You also have to factor in the outside angst that's making you turn on your fiancé. Suddenly, everyone's making wedding demands on you ("I need a vegetarian entrée!"; "Can I bring along my six cousins?"), not him. So find clever ways to mobilize him into action, suggests Bliss. Entrust him with all the honeymoon details. Give him a guy-friendly to-do list of jobs, like checking out bands, going to the caterer tasting, setting up transportation, and laser-tagging cool gadgets for your registry.
SCARY TRUTH 4You (Possibly) Feel Tempted to CheatMen aren't the only ones who panic at the thought of sleeping with the same person forever — women can get equally anxious. And it's not because your sex life together is eh. It's that once you're engaged, other men become the forbidden fruit. You start thinking about all the varieties you've never had or can't ever sample again, like the ex whose chemistry rocked your world or the flirty bartender who slips you his number. Along with those thoughts may come mental loopholes like, "It's not so bad if I fool around, because I'm not actually married yet." Take Karen, 26, for example. "My bachelorette party was one of the first official drunken girls' nights out I'd had since the engagement. I was looking around thinking, I could hook up with so many guys here. Later, I felt so guilty for even imagining it."When you're a bride-to-be, it may seem like a betrayal to be attracted to someone else. But really, it's just part of the program. "You don't lobotomize your libido when you get engaged," says Dale Atkins, PhD, a psychologist in New York City and the advice columnist for WeddingChannel.com. "Wondering if you'll get bored or checking out the UPS guy's rear doesn't mean that you'll be unfaithful or you're not made for each other. It shows you're still a sexual being with desires, and believe me, your fiancé is okay with that." Because for all the lusty daydreams you may have, it's still just in your head, not your heart.
SCARY TRUTH 5Little Signs "We're Not Meant to Be" Start Cropping UpOnce you're engaged, insignificant situations have a way of snowballing into major issues. The blender from him that was a testament to your margarita-making skills now seems like a domestic shackle. Your lust life tapers off for a week, and instead of thinking it's from wedding stress, you're convinced it's a forecast of boring marital sex. Habits of his that were charming and hopeful before you got engaged — such as dreamily mentioning that he'd like to open a cigar bar someday or hatching yet another wacky get-rich-quick plan — are just scary now."Little things take on huge meaning because your expectations have changed without your realizing it," says Atkins. Getting engaged is really the starting point for building your life together, and you start envisioning the long-term, from what kind of couple you'll be to what your life together will be like.And while it's healthy to wonder about the future, don't overanalyze. "Reading too much into his behavior and lumping those so-called red flags together is what makes them seem so overwhelming, so take each little sign for what it really is," says Atkins. (Sometimes a blender is just a blender.) And when it comes to dealing with his out-of-left-field whims, eventually you'll learn what's legit and when he's fantasizing after a crappy day in his cubicle. You'll also feel more secure that you'll make those big decisions as a couple when the time is right.SCARY TRUTH 6Cash Becomes a Tricky TopicWhen you're planning a wedding, you'll be faced with making major money decisions together that will reveal things you never knew about each other. You're a budget freak, and he's never balanced a checkbook. You want a big, fat wedding, but he'd rather have a big, fat house. "Everyone thinks that sex is so hard to talk about, but discussing money is more personal in a lot of ways," says Jonathan Rich, PhD, author of The Couple's Guide to Love and Money. But you have to talk Benjamins now.
The three things you need to discuss are how much the wedding will cost, who is contributing (between the two of you and both sets of parents), and how much each is putting in, says Rich. Getting those numbers in black and white will spare you the awkward, possibly ugly confrontation later, but expect to have a few disagreements. "Like most guys, he may have no clue about wedding costs, or he may have other plans for your cash," says Rich. "This is an opportunity to find out his views on money, what kind of lifestyle he envisions, and how the two of you can create a financially and emotionally stable life together."SCARY TRUTH 7Both of You Begin to ChangeOf course marriage gives you a new outlook on life, but changes really start when you get the ring. You go from being spontaneous, self-sufficient Me to a more cautious, settled, future-oriented We overnight. It's easy to get spooked by the subtle shift in your personality, but it's really a rite of passage. "You're in the process of letting go a part of your identity as a single woman, and it's perfectly natural to be a little sad or upset when you recognize those changes," says Atkins. But the truth is, the new, almost-married you is still ... you. You're simply evolving, the same way you did at every major turn of events in your life, from losing your virginity to going to college to starting your first job. The only difference is, when you're engaged, you're not alone in the transition. "I know my fiancé is giving up some of his bachelor freedom too," says Tyler, 28. "We talk about how weird it is, but because we're both experiencing it, I don't feel like I'm losing anything. We're slowly morphing into a true couple."BRIDE-TO-BE BONUSESWhen the pre-wedding frenzy has you wigging out, look forward to this jackpot of gems.Two words: gift registry. It's impolite to talk about it, but the idea of scoring all that loot is what gets you through those days when you want to leave your fiancé on the side of the road somewhere far, far away.Calling him "my fiancé." It's much better than the ever-so-high-schoolish "my boyfriend."Happy-couple perks. People are always giving you freebies and upgrades when they hear you're newly engaged, such as bottles of champagne and free dessert at restaurants.Shacking up. Parents who kept you strictly separated for overnighters at home tend to loosen up and let the lovebirds share a room.Family heirlooms. Grandma's pricey jewels and other sentimental stuff that's handed down through the family gets passed to you at wedding time. And some of it's actually good.Honeymoon planning. Think warm beaches, exotic cuisine, and having mucho, mucho "alone time".
Friday, February 13, 2009
Valentines Day...
Happy Valentines Day FRIENDS...
February 14th is a day about Love...If no one is loving you the way you deserve to be treated and showing you the affection and care you deserve, remember...Love God First, and then Love yourself! Feel free to be your own Valentine...Remind yourself of how special you truly are. :)
The day is about showing your love to the people you love and care about. No...its NOT about you. I'm sure there are men out there planning away trying to sweep you off your feet with their surprises. Though, have you ever thought about making him feel special and loved too? Did you ever think that just a simple gift, or recognition on this day...could give you access to Valentines Day type Love EVERYDAY???
Men need to be appreciated too. Friends, remember to show your male lover how much you appreciate him. And there is no more special time like V-day, b/c most of them think you feel the day is all about you. SURPRISE HIM...and watch how is gratitude gives you a feeling like no other. Then, watch the reward come in 10-fold. I'm not promoting playing mind games, yet...reminding you true-lovers not to forget that men like to be made to feel special as well.
Enjoy your day...and remember its the thought...and the fact that they thought...that counts!
Your...Male Best Friend
February 14th is a day about Love...If no one is loving you the way you deserve to be treated and showing you the affection and care you deserve, remember...Love God First, and then Love yourself! Feel free to be your own Valentine...Remind yourself of how special you truly are. :)
The day is about showing your love to the people you love and care about. No...its NOT about you. I'm sure there are men out there planning away trying to sweep you off your feet with their surprises. Though, have you ever thought about making him feel special and loved too? Did you ever think that just a simple gift, or recognition on this day...could give you access to Valentines Day type Love EVERYDAY???
Men need to be appreciated too. Friends, remember to show your male lover how much you appreciate him. And there is no more special time like V-day, b/c most of them think you feel the day is all about you. SURPRISE HIM...and watch how is gratitude gives you a feeling like no other. Then, watch the reward come in 10-fold. I'm not promoting playing mind games, yet...reminding you true-lovers not to forget that men like to be made to feel special as well.
Enjoy your day...and remember its the thought...and the fact that they thought...that counts!
Your...Male Best Friend
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
Friday, January 30, 2009
I need your input...
Friends,
Several of you have emailed me personally to let me know what you think about my posts, which i dearly appreciate. Though, do remember that you can comment on any post ANONYMOUSLY! You do not need to have a blog ID to do so. I appreciate you reading and hope you continue to do so.
With that being said, I really look forward to your comments, as well as questions. I have many topics I would like to post, though my passion behind my writing comes from addressing issues that are brought to my attention by others. Feel free to comment to this post about anything! How you feel about the blog in general, a specific post, or if you have a topic you would like me to write about.
Thank you in advance for your contribution!
Several of you have emailed me personally to let me know what you think about my posts, which i dearly appreciate. Though, do remember that you can comment on any post ANONYMOUSLY! You do not need to have a blog ID to do so. I appreciate you reading and hope you continue to do so.
With that being said, I really look forward to your comments, as well as questions. I have many topics I would like to post, though my passion behind my writing comes from addressing issues that are brought to my attention by others. Feel free to comment to this post about anything! How you feel about the blog in general, a specific post, or if you have a topic you would like me to write about.
Thank you in advance for your contribution!
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Understanding Black Men (well worth the long read)
"One of the most obvious areas in our community that need healing is in the relationships between Black men and Black women. Currently there is a basic distrust of brothers by Black women, and too many brothers approach dealing with Black women with a "pimp or die" mentality.
Without further vilifying black men or victimizing black women I want to
attempt to shed some light on the inner workings of men as they deal with
women and how ultimately the interactions between the two are more about a mans discovery with himself than about the relationship with the woman.
In the movie The Brothers, Jennifer Lewis (Morris Chestnut's mother) makes the statement that a man doesn't even know himself until he knows what kind of woman he wants. As I continue to grow, I understand that statement more and more. Men have a tendency to define themselves through externals rather than by their inner qualities.
Ask a man to tell you about himself and he will most likely begin by telling you what he does, his occupation or his possessions. Of all of the externals in a man's world, the thing that communicates the most about him is his choice of a woman. That is not to say that the woman he chooses will be just like him, but by looking at the woman he chooses to complement himself with, you can understand a lot about what he values, has to offer and even what he feels that he lacks.
Often times when a man is discovering himself he will find himself dealing with a variety of women simultaneously. Each of these women will be distinctively different from the next, but will represent a different part of the man himself. Most will have one woman with whom they simply have a good time with, she is almost like one of the boys and he has little interest in developing a romantic relationship with her. He probably will tell her the details of his dealings with other women to get a "females point of view".
Then there is the one who to him is a "good girl" and represents what he
deems to be morally good and right. He will often go to her with his
problems and shortcomings because he knows that she will tell him the truth about himself and his actions in an attempt to challenge him to grow mentally and spiritually.
Lastly there will be his "freak girl". She is his proverbial booty call and
blows his mind in the bedroom. He has absolutely zero interest in ever
wanting anything deeper with her than sex (And in the most convenient cases neither does she). As he deals with these women and gets closer to some and further from others, he is learning what he as a man values and
wants to keep permanent in his life.
So while in his conscious mind he may believe that he is trying to find 'the
right one' he is actually trying to find himself. As men travel between what I call the searching stage to the commitment stage, there are women who are bound to be left as casualties along the way.
Sometimes it is because there is lack of honesty and integrity from the man, but many times it is due to a lack of understanding whether or not the man that she is investing in is in the searching stage or settling into the commitment stage.
An understanding of this by both the man, and women would help the process quite a bit. Men must be responsible in communicating where he is in his development, and women must not disparage the man because he encountered her while he was in the searching stage rather than the committing stage.
The best barometer to determine which stage a man is in is his career.
If a man is not settled in his career, chances are he is not settled overall
and is not at the stage to commit to marriage.
Moreover I would also suggest that because of the responsibility that the
Bible places the man to be the provider, a man who is not settled in a career is also not fit for marriage. Unfortunately there are an increasing number of men who are content allowing their women to be the ones who provide and attain while they reap the benefits. A real man however would never feel comfortable shacking up in his woman's home, relying on his woman's vehicle as his means of transportation, or being supported by her financially. He would rather struggle to work while
finishing school or starting his business and achieving and attaining
something for himself then present himself to her.
Women who have become desperate for companionship have lowered their standards to think that supporting their man financially is acceptable as long as he loves her in return. However although most won't admit it, when a woman is supporting a man, it affects her ability to respect him and to feel secure with him. A real man would not be comfortable attempting to commit to a relationship if he cannot offer the woman a sense of stability. If he does then the relationship will be destined for failure because her lack of respect for him will cause her to take more of a motherly role than that of a companion.
A large part of a man's definition of his manhood is centered on being able to maintain a consistent job and support himself and his family financially. Some men go through great lengths to accomplish these goals spending long hours at work or working on his start-up business; oftentimes to the detriment of the relationships in the home that he is
trying desperately to support.
Many women do not understand this and often nag their man for spending too much time at work. But to compete with a man's job, is to compete with part of the essence of him, his definition of himself will cause him to emotionally withdraw from her and eventually the relationship.
Until a man who is building his self-identity is able to duplicate that mental image of a man is his own life, he is not comfortable with his self-image. This insecurity makes will hinder his ability to effectively and affectionately love the woman that he desires to be with. There are too many women asking men to commit to a relationship with them
before they are able to do so. She would do well to allow the man to
establish himself until he is comfortable with his self-image before asking him to give himself to her before he feels worthy to do so. Actually she should require it.
As men it is our responsibility to be uncompromisingly open and honest with the women in our lives. We must be honest about the type of man that we truly are, where we are in our development in life and what we can and cannot offer her at that time. This begins by being honest with ourselves.
We cannot live beneath our expectations of manhood and we must position ourselves to provide for ourselves and our families. That means being able to provide financially, emotionally and spiritually.
That is God's charge to us as men and nothing short ofthat is acceptable."
Without further vilifying black men or victimizing black women I want to
attempt to shed some light on the inner workings of men as they deal with
women and how ultimately the interactions between the two are more about a mans discovery with himself than about the relationship with the woman.
In the movie The Brothers, Jennifer Lewis (Morris Chestnut's mother) makes the statement that a man doesn't even know himself until he knows what kind of woman he wants. As I continue to grow, I understand that statement more and more. Men have a tendency to define themselves through externals rather than by their inner qualities.
Ask a man to tell you about himself and he will most likely begin by telling you what he does, his occupation or his possessions. Of all of the externals in a man's world, the thing that communicates the most about him is his choice of a woman. That is not to say that the woman he chooses will be just like him, but by looking at the woman he chooses to complement himself with, you can understand a lot about what he values, has to offer and even what he feels that he lacks.
Often times when a man is discovering himself he will find himself dealing with a variety of women simultaneously. Each of these women will be distinctively different from the next, but will represent a different part of the man himself. Most will have one woman with whom they simply have a good time with, she is almost like one of the boys and he has little interest in developing a romantic relationship with her. He probably will tell her the details of his dealings with other women to get a "females point of view".
Then there is the one who to him is a "good girl" and represents what he
deems to be morally good and right. He will often go to her with his
problems and shortcomings because he knows that she will tell him the truth about himself and his actions in an attempt to challenge him to grow mentally and spiritually.
Lastly there will be his "freak girl". She is his proverbial booty call and
blows his mind in the bedroom. He has absolutely zero interest in ever
wanting anything deeper with her than sex (And in the most convenient cases neither does she). As he deals with these women and gets closer to some and further from others, he is learning what he as a man values and
wants to keep permanent in his life.
So while in his conscious mind he may believe that he is trying to find 'the
right one' he is actually trying to find himself. As men travel between what I call the searching stage to the commitment stage, there are women who are bound to be left as casualties along the way.
Sometimes it is because there is lack of honesty and integrity from the man, but many times it is due to a lack of understanding whether or not the man that she is investing in is in the searching stage or settling into the commitment stage.
An understanding of this by both the man, and women would help the process quite a bit. Men must be responsible in communicating where he is in his development, and women must not disparage the man because he encountered her while he was in the searching stage rather than the committing stage.
The best barometer to determine which stage a man is in is his career.
If a man is not settled in his career, chances are he is not settled overall
and is not at the stage to commit to marriage.
Moreover I would also suggest that because of the responsibility that the
Bible places the man to be the provider, a man who is not settled in a career is also not fit for marriage. Unfortunately there are an increasing number of men who are content allowing their women to be the ones who provide and attain while they reap the benefits. A real man however would never feel comfortable shacking up in his woman's home, relying on his woman's vehicle as his means of transportation, or being supported by her financially. He would rather struggle to work while
finishing school or starting his business and achieving and attaining
something for himself then present himself to her.
Women who have become desperate for companionship have lowered their standards to think that supporting their man financially is acceptable as long as he loves her in return. However although most won't admit it, when a woman is supporting a man, it affects her ability to respect him and to feel secure with him. A real man would not be comfortable attempting to commit to a relationship if he cannot offer the woman a sense of stability. If he does then the relationship will be destined for failure because her lack of respect for him will cause her to take more of a motherly role than that of a companion.
A large part of a man's definition of his manhood is centered on being able to maintain a consistent job and support himself and his family financially. Some men go through great lengths to accomplish these goals spending long hours at work or working on his start-up business; oftentimes to the detriment of the relationships in the home that he is
trying desperately to support.
Many women do not understand this and often nag their man for spending too much time at work. But to compete with a man's job, is to compete with part of the essence of him, his definition of himself will cause him to emotionally withdraw from her and eventually the relationship.
Until a man who is building his self-identity is able to duplicate that mental image of a man is his own life, he is not comfortable with his self-image. This insecurity makes will hinder his ability to effectively and affectionately love the woman that he desires to be with. There are too many women asking men to commit to a relationship with them
before they are able to do so. She would do well to allow the man to
establish himself until he is comfortable with his self-image before asking him to give himself to her before he feels worthy to do so. Actually she should require it.
As men it is our responsibility to be uncompromisingly open and honest with the women in our lives. We must be honest about the type of man that we truly are, where we are in our development in life and what we can and cannot offer her at that time. This begins by being honest with ourselves.
We cannot live beneath our expectations of manhood and we must position ourselves to provide for ourselves and our families. That means being able to provide financially, emotionally and spiritually.
That is God's charge to us as men and nothing short ofthat is acceptable."
Monday, January 19, 2009
The Thrill of The Pursuit...
After polling countless woman, I've come to the conclusion that the majority of woman would rather be pursued rather than pursuing their counterpart. This mentality follows the historic pattern of "courtship". Though, just as times have changed...so has the premise of the theory. For this post...we will not touch on the idea that woman should at times allow themselves to pursue, but rather...how to react and respond when being pursued by a male that they DO have an interest in.
"The Thrill of the Chase"...is more so an animalistic trait. Though, last I heard...woman are tired of "dogs". This thrill refers to a satisfaction obtained, not by the satisfaction of obtaining what you so adamantly desired, yet...by achieving victory upon the quest which was sought. Usually, this term is used in a negative depiction. So question ladies...How much "chasing" do you want to put the male that is interested in you through?
Before you answer this question...ask yourself first...what are my intentions to begin with, and...what is my worth, measured by the package that you yourself bring to the table to offer. A man genuinely interested in you should be able to pursue you with confidence, yet, most humbly. His confidence will allow him to pursue, though the the humbled ego will realize your worth and MAKE him come with his best foot forward. A man not bringing his best, in your opinion, is either not genuinely interested, or belongs on the B squad to begin with and is not the mate you should be giving the time of day. If you have to force or encourage a man to do more to stimulate you when he is trying to date you seriously, can you expect anything else in the future? This other half we desire to find takes no extra effort in both mental and physical stimulation, its just there! If you find yourself making a man chase a little harder, one of two things are occurring.
1. You have doubts of him being worthy in the first place. My motto to relationships in the beginning stages - "if you have any doubts, just do with out"
2. You are playing games, and you need to check yourself! Modern day men have just as many options as you do, and you will lose out on a good man and push him away by playing boundary games or making him work harder intentionally when you are already feeling him.
Ladies. If you are feeling a guy, and his approach, if you're not vocal enough to say it point blank, at least give him little signs. Only communicating when he reaches out or insisting you hang out when he invites, may make him feel that he is waisting his time.
Last but not least, before I continue on and on...Get rid of your 3 month rule (this applies to anything). Don't set a time frame for heading to the next stage of your interactions. You are a mature adult which has had some life experiences and will have many more to come! Trust your instinct and do what feels right. Follow your mind and heart and don't be afraid to be happy, and let happiness find you. Love like you've never loved before and like pain does not exist. This is the only way to achieve the great, true love.
How do you feel, and can you add any personal experiences to help other woman lose this unhealthy mentality?
Your...Male Best Friend.
"The Thrill of the Chase"...is more so an animalistic trait. Though, last I heard...woman are tired of "dogs". This thrill refers to a satisfaction obtained, not by the satisfaction of obtaining what you so adamantly desired, yet...by achieving victory upon the quest which was sought. Usually, this term is used in a negative depiction. So question ladies...How much "chasing" do you want to put the male that is interested in you through?
Before you answer this question...ask yourself first...what are my intentions to begin with, and...what is my worth, measured by the package that you yourself bring to the table to offer. A man genuinely interested in you should be able to pursue you with confidence, yet, most humbly. His confidence will allow him to pursue, though the the humbled ego will realize your worth and MAKE him come with his best foot forward. A man not bringing his best, in your opinion, is either not genuinely interested, or belongs on the B squad to begin with and is not the mate you should be giving the time of day. If you have to force or encourage a man to do more to stimulate you when he is trying to date you seriously, can you expect anything else in the future? This other half we desire to find takes no extra effort in both mental and physical stimulation, its just there! If you find yourself making a man chase a little harder, one of two things are occurring.
1. You have doubts of him being worthy in the first place. My motto to relationships in the beginning stages - "if you have any doubts, just do with out"
2. You are playing games, and you need to check yourself! Modern day men have just as many options as you do, and you will lose out on a good man and push him away by playing boundary games or making him work harder intentionally when you are already feeling him.
Ladies. If you are feeling a guy, and his approach, if you're not vocal enough to say it point blank, at least give him little signs. Only communicating when he reaches out or insisting you hang out when he invites, may make him feel that he is waisting his time.
Last but not least, before I continue on and on...Get rid of your 3 month rule (this applies to anything). Don't set a time frame for heading to the next stage of your interactions. You are a mature adult which has had some life experiences and will have many more to come! Trust your instinct and do what feels right. Follow your mind and heart and don't be afraid to be happy, and let happiness find you. Love like you've never loved before and like pain does not exist. This is the only way to achieve the great, true love.
How do you feel, and can you add any personal experiences to help other woman lose this unhealthy mentality?
Your...Male Best Friend.
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
RESPONSE TO :Going Dutch
First…A little history:
Going Dutch is a slang term that means that each person eating at a restaurant or paying admission for entertainment pays for himself or herself, rather than one person paying for everyone. It is also called Dutch date and Dutch Treat. There is a delicate etiquette surrounding going Dutch. It may be accepted in some situations, such as between non-intimate friends or less affluent people, but considered stingy in other circumstances, such as on a romantic date or at a business lunch.
The traditional way to handle a bill on a date in the “West” has been that the one who invited the other takes the bill and the invitee may not even know the actual price of the meal. An alternative view is that traditionally payment has always been made by the male. Full payment by the male is still most common but is no longer certain.
During the advent of second wave feminism, the late 1960s and 1970s, the women's movement encouraged women to understand aspects of their own personal lives as deeply politicized. Many feminists investigated the framework and assumptions of traditional courtship roles. They subscribed to the idea that there should be equality of the sexes, not just legally, but socially and sexually.
They held that it was mature, empowering and self-respecting for women to pay their own way in romantic dates. They were rejecting traditional gender role assumptions that men should make more money and should pay for affections through dinners and other date costs. In this way, women were making an equal investment in the cost of courtship.
It became more common for women to pay their own way or to pay for men's meals. Some women were offended if their male dining partner "grabbed the check."
Since the 1990s, many women have abandoned 1970s feminism's ideals for equality of gender roles and relationships. Many have reverted to adopting 'traditional' investment in the courting relationship, and assumptions about men's responsibility to spend money to express affection. The feminist view point is that the other result of this is the creation of a debt or a feeling that female now 'owes' the male something, redeemable through the offering of sexual favors. Women began to choose not to put themselves in this position and thus empowered themselves by paying their own way.
Social custom also varies among same-sex couples. Most often, it is the inviter or the one whose financial situation most lends him or her to pay who does so. The lack of rigid tradition, however, leaves no widely adopted custom.
Going even a bit further back… The idea of “courting” is an old-fashioned idea, in the era when it was not common for woman to work. A man was approved by the father of the woman based on family & personal history as well as his ability to “take care” of the woman. Since the woman did not work to provide income, she was presumed a house-wife. She gladly took on the responsibilities of the home, children, and was awaiting home for her husband, upon his return from a long day at work.
I have a mixed view on the idea of going Dutch, though I wanted to post the discussion just to make this whole topic more transparent for my FRIENDS who may be SSBW…( Single Successful Black Woman). That is a whole other topic, which will be discussed in another post, but let’s continue. It must be noted that the as the time has changed, so have gender and race roles in America. Nationally, men average a higher salary than woman in America, though in “Black America”, this statistic is swapped. Black Women’s success in numbers has by far surpassed their black male counterpart.
I live by the above stated, the person who invited the other pays. In my personal experiences, I am the aggressor and generally pursue woman and will invite them on a “first date” and will assume responsibility for the costs of the outing. I have also been approached by woman interested in me, who have invited me out, and will-fully accepted the responsibility of the expenses of the date. Traditionally…boy likes girl, boy asks girl on a date, TRUE. This is still the most common practice, though our new social interactions and growth from “traditional roles” of each sex has provided so many other possible situations and encounters. Men and woman are interacting through education, professionally and socially more than ever. Your options for mates are no longer confined to your high school or a family friend, but now across the world with the technology we have access to today.
The modern woman is no longer playing the role of the house wife. On average, she is now higher educated and more driven than the male. By choice, woman have dismissed the customary role and responsibilities of the house wife, as a certainty. In short, the modern woman and her role in society has changed drastically. With that said, can we not expect the same for a male?...
I will save this post from opinion, as I just wanted to collectively post ideas and allow both men and woman to approach dating and paying from a holistic view. Not only are we in a financial crisis in the world, though woman are making the same if not more on average than men. As woman are now ALSO in search for that “ideal worthy mate” as once seemed to be the quest of men, should they not share the expense of that process? With the more randomly occurring interactions, both business and social, there is more room for relationships which are strictly platonic, as well as mixed signals crossing. Would a “Dutch Date” to provide you with private time outside of your normal group or random passing interaction be so farfetched? This would leave no debt, or sense of being used for either, in the event that there were no romantic sparks exchanged and the first or second date, would also be the last. We will also save the topic of the women who use and abuse men for dates when they are clearly not interested romantically but show enough interest to keep the man chasing, for another post as well (Thankfully, my background has saved me from falling victim to that trauma).
Some woman stray away from pursuing men. This idea, with the growth of the perception of a women’s role, is now socially acceptable. On the other hand, throwing yourself at a man, is not attractive. Going just a little out of your way with a smile, or speaking briefly with a greeting, are easy forwards that do not require much effort. A man can be just as equally interested in you, or not have noticed you by chance, though be interested completely. Some men, may just be a little intimidated due to failed attempts in the past with woman he may put on a pedestal, like yourself. Going even further, to suggest an outing with a man you know or have met would be flattering for him, and held within high regard. To offer to take the entire bill, will make him blush, and chances are he will insist he handle it. The over and above, planning the entire date and covering all of the expenses…BREATHTAKING! As a starter…maybe just cover a round of drinks if you’re not too crazy about the whole idea. As woman like men to show their affection and interest through action, men do as well. And ladies, wake-up call…SEX…is not the answer!
Taking away the control of the financial situation from just one side is a great thing for both parties. It forces both to be more creative to express their affections. It allows both to see the depth of the real person, versus the truth being shaded by a façade. A man can create himself to fit any bill if he deems that necessary to “get you”, but that may not be the life he truly is, And you…FRIEND, will catch the short end in the long run. A man would even spend money on a “prostitute” for sex. But only a man genuinely interested will invest thought, time and continuous effort. Though, this does not validate your, mental timeline for each step of progress in your relationship. You are an intelligent successful woman, you can make proper judgment. Although to do so, it’s in your best interest to remove all the opportunities for BS and false characterization.
Yes, Your Weekly bottle popper, steak house regular, BMW driver…may have no savings, stocks investments nor his own place.
Woman, besides clothes shopping…you spend smart when you can. Your mind, on average more than a man’s, thinks of the future in regards to your finances.
In closing, ask yourself this question:
Would you rather a man take you out on lavish expensive dates, purchase your expensive taste items, and splurge to show his “affection” OR him have been spending wisely to contribute or purchase for you in advance, that house, engagement ring, and wedding you’ve always dreamed of?
Unless your dating an investment banker who went to college on a scholarship…the odds of both, are not in your favor!
Just a thought…
Going Dutch is a slang term that means that each person eating at a restaurant or paying admission for entertainment pays for himself or herself, rather than one person paying for everyone. It is also called Dutch date and Dutch Treat. There is a delicate etiquette surrounding going Dutch. It may be accepted in some situations, such as between non-intimate friends or less affluent people, but considered stingy in other circumstances, such as on a romantic date or at a business lunch.
The traditional way to handle a bill on a date in the “West” has been that the one who invited the other takes the bill and the invitee may not even know the actual price of the meal. An alternative view is that traditionally payment has always been made by the male. Full payment by the male is still most common but is no longer certain.
During the advent of second wave feminism, the late 1960s and 1970s, the women's movement encouraged women to understand aspects of their own personal lives as deeply politicized. Many feminists investigated the framework and assumptions of traditional courtship roles. They subscribed to the idea that there should be equality of the sexes, not just legally, but socially and sexually.
They held that it was mature, empowering and self-respecting for women to pay their own way in romantic dates. They were rejecting traditional gender role assumptions that men should make more money and should pay for affections through dinners and other date costs. In this way, women were making an equal investment in the cost of courtship.
It became more common for women to pay their own way or to pay for men's meals. Some women were offended if their male dining partner "grabbed the check."
Since the 1990s, many women have abandoned 1970s feminism's ideals for equality of gender roles and relationships. Many have reverted to adopting 'traditional' investment in the courting relationship, and assumptions about men's responsibility to spend money to express affection. The feminist view point is that the other result of this is the creation of a debt or a feeling that female now 'owes' the male something, redeemable through the offering of sexual favors. Women began to choose not to put themselves in this position and thus empowered themselves by paying their own way.
Social custom also varies among same-sex couples. Most often, it is the inviter or the one whose financial situation most lends him or her to pay who does so. The lack of rigid tradition, however, leaves no widely adopted custom.
Going even a bit further back… The idea of “courting” is an old-fashioned idea, in the era when it was not common for woman to work. A man was approved by the father of the woman based on family & personal history as well as his ability to “take care” of the woman. Since the woman did not work to provide income, she was presumed a house-wife. She gladly took on the responsibilities of the home, children, and was awaiting home for her husband, upon his return from a long day at work.
I have a mixed view on the idea of going Dutch, though I wanted to post the discussion just to make this whole topic more transparent for my FRIENDS who may be SSBW…( Single Successful Black Woman). That is a whole other topic, which will be discussed in another post, but let’s continue. It must be noted that the as the time has changed, so have gender and race roles in America. Nationally, men average a higher salary than woman in America, though in “Black America”, this statistic is swapped. Black Women’s success in numbers has by far surpassed their black male counterpart.
I live by the above stated, the person who invited the other pays. In my personal experiences, I am the aggressor and generally pursue woman and will invite them on a “first date” and will assume responsibility for the costs of the outing. I have also been approached by woman interested in me, who have invited me out, and will-fully accepted the responsibility of the expenses of the date. Traditionally…boy likes girl, boy asks girl on a date, TRUE. This is still the most common practice, though our new social interactions and growth from “traditional roles” of each sex has provided so many other possible situations and encounters. Men and woman are interacting through education, professionally and socially more than ever. Your options for mates are no longer confined to your high school or a family friend, but now across the world with the technology we have access to today.
The modern woman is no longer playing the role of the house wife. On average, she is now higher educated and more driven than the male. By choice, woman have dismissed the customary role and responsibilities of the house wife, as a certainty. In short, the modern woman and her role in society has changed drastically. With that said, can we not expect the same for a male?...
I will save this post from opinion, as I just wanted to collectively post ideas and allow both men and woman to approach dating and paying from a holistic view. Not only are we in a financial crisis in the world, though woman are making the same if not more on average than men. As woman are now ALSO in search for that “ideal worthy mate” as once seemed to be the quest of men, should they not share the expense of that process? With the more randomly occurring interactions, both business and social, there is more room for relationships which are strictly platonic, as well as mixed signals crossing. Would a “Dutch Date” to provide you with private time outside of your normal group or random passing interaction be so farfetched? This would leave no debt, or sense of being used for either, in the event that there were no romantic sparks exchanged and the first or second date, would also be the last. We will also save the topic of the women who use and abuse men for dates when they are clearly not interested romantically but show enough interest to keep the man chasing, for another post as well (Thankfully, my background has saved me from falling victim to that trauma).
Some woman stray away from pursuing men. This idea, with the growth of the perception of a women’s role, is now socially acceptable. On the other hand, throwing yourself at a man, is not attractive. Going just a little out of your way with a smile, or speaking briefly with a greeting, are easy forwards that do not require much effort. A man can be just as equally interested in you, or not have noticed you by chance, though be interested completely. Some men, may just be a little intimidated due to failed attempts in the past with woman he may put on a pedestal, like yourself. Going even further, to suggest an outing with a man you know or have met would be flattering for him, and held within high regard. To offer to take the entire bill, will make him blush, and chances are he will insist he handle it. The over and above, planning the entire date and covering all of the expenses…BREATHTAKING! As a starter…maybe just cover a round of drinks if you’re not too crazy about the whole idea. As woman like men to show their affection and interest through action, men do as well. And ladies, wake-up call…SEX…is not the answer!
Taking away the control of the financial situation from just one side is a great thing for both parties. It forces both to be more creative to express their affections. It allows both to see the depth of the real person, versus the truth being shaded by a façade. A man can create himself to fit any bill if he deems that necessary to “get you”, but that may not be the life he truly is, And you…FRIEND, will catch the short end in the long run. A man would even spend money on a “prostitute” for sex. But only a man genuinely interested will invest thought, time and continuous effort. Though, this does not validate your, mental timeline for each step of progress in your relationship. You are an intelligent successful woman, you can make proper judgment. Although to do so, it’s in your best interest to remove all the opportunities for BS and false characterization.
Yes, Your Weekly bottle popper, steak house regular, BMW driver…may have no savings, stocks investments nor his own place.
Woman, besides clothes shopping…you spend smart when you can. Your mind, on average more than a man’s, thinks of the future in regards to your finances.
In closing, ask yourself this question:
Would you rather a man take you out on lavish expensive dates, purchase your expensive taste items, and splurge to show his “affection” OR him have been spending wisely to contribute or purchase for you in advance, that house, engagement ring, and wedding you’ve always dreamed of?
Unless your dating an investment banker who went to college on a scholarship…the odds of both, are not in your favor!
Just a thought…
Thursday, December 18, 2008
Going Dutch...
I wanted to post a topic which my friends could comment on which everyone could relate to or have an opinion on. GOING DUTCH!
Going Dutch is a term used when a man and woman, out on a date/"friend outing", each pay for their own expenses or split the bill. This leads into debate in regards to the traditional idea of a man courting a woman. Recently, there have been more discussions in regards to going dutch with the current economic crisis our country is facing.
When is going dutch appropriate? How do the rules apply? Should you suggest? How would you react upon the request? How does the idea make you feel? Do you make assumptions about the man, and or his financial situation after he makes the proposition?...
Before I write my conclusion, I would like to hear from the readers! Feel free to interpret this as you desire, and also comment in reference to previous comments if you wish.
I would like this to be the first of many interactive topics and I need your participation. As always, feel free to invite a friend to check out the blog and the current topic. I look forward to your responses.
Your...Male Best Friend.
P.S. Ladies...ask male co-workers, friends, or even significant others their opinions. Feel free to invite them to post, or do give insight to opinions you've heard and your reaction/feeling toward them.
Going Dutch is a term used when a man and woman, out on a date/"friend outing", each pay for their own expenses or split the bill. This leads into debate in regards to the traditional idea of a man courting a woman. Recently, there have been more discussions in regards to going dutch with the current economic crisis our country is facing.
When is going dutch appropriate? How do the rules apply? Should you suggest? How would you react upon the request? How does the idea make you feel? Do you make assumptions about the man, and or his financial situation after he makes the proposition?...
Before I write my conclusion, I would like to hear from the readers! Feel free to interpret this as you desire, and also comment in reference to previous comments if you wish.
I would like this to be the first of many interactive topics and I need your participation. As always, feel free to invite a friend to check out the blog and the current topic. I look forward to your responses.
Your...Male Best Friend.
P.S. Ladies...ask male co-workers, friends, or even significant others their opinions. Feel free to invite them to post, or do give insight to opinions you've heard and your reaction/feeling toward them.
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
Ladies...How to help yourself or your girlfriend from keeping on the same path to nowhere with 'Jerk' from Loserville
( Words from the personal experience of my FRIEND "Daydreamer", check out her blog for the whole story: http://daydreamerscloud.blogspot.com/ )
So how can you help yourself or your girlfriends from keeping on the same path to Nowhere with 'Jerk' from Loserville??
1. Tell her it IS her that caused the mess.With this shock she'll be able the thoroughly analyze her screw ups. Why let your girl keep thinking nagging, pouting and bitching are ok?!!! Women are the best at placing the blame on 'him'. And yes, he probably is as bad as she says BUT why does she keep dating him- over and over again. Hmmmmm. Make her see her flaws, insecurities, 'Daddy Issues' or otherwise. She and the new HE will thank you for it later.
2. Encourage her to take up a hobby or go out ALONE.Call me crazy but there is nothing better than going to the movies or out to eat ALONE! It's so refreshing to see/ eat what YOU want when you want to. Any theater or restaurant is always happy to seat a party of one. :-) This will force her to keep her life balanced. Therefore when the new HE comes along he'll have to fit into her schedule instead of the other way around. Men love women with lives.
3. Keep her AWAY from We! TV and Oxygen Wedding shows. As a current addict myself, these types of shows don't help. All they do is become a constant reminder of the 'Loser'. Until she is OK with watching without thinking of her own wedding with 'Loser' can she be allowed to watch.
4. AFTER ALL of this....It is OK to tell her it is HIS LOSS AND NOT HERS! Because honestly and truly it will be. She will be secure in herself to see why she can do Bad all By Herself instead of wallowing and being needy for the next 'Ass' from Loserville. :-D
Lesson: Until we can stand ourselves no one else will be able to. Not only that but also due to the circumstances of life, we don't want her to become HER. As dear Champ describes, no one wants a HER. Ouch.
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Daydreamer,
Great advice and thank you for sharing your story with my friends. Do know I am here to aid you in your journey from Loserville to Reality!
Quick comments on each section above:
1. Great stray away from the constant rhetoric of "all men are dogs"! Though I will say, blame can sometimes be one sided, but which side if not both is not always agreed upon. It is always good to fully analyze your failed relationships to completely move on and close that chapter, as well as learn from why it failed to better yourself and prepare you for the future "HE". Be honest with yourself and analyze with your brain and not your heart.
2.Keeping busy is a great way to take your mind off of the ex, and keep from back sliding into his drama. Though be sure to not get caught up in doing it because of him. Its an excellent opportunity to re-connect with yourself and passions in life, but over time make sure its all about you. Be sure not to be "Miss Too Independent" with your new carefree busy schedule. Do learn to Love yourself again, but not so caught up in "Me" that the new "HE" is pushed away.
3.These shows are detrimental even to the woman in a happy relationship, lol. Yes, do stay away. And general advice, NEVER PRESSURE A MAN INTO A RELATIONSHIP OR MARRIAGE. Not worth the "happiness" you desire which is now put in high risk for failure. Allow a man to move at a comfortable pace. (though lets not be silly friends, adults "dating" for 5 years or living together for 3, with not even the talk of "marriage" or future...somethings wrong)
4. KNOW YOUR WORTH!!! No one will love you like you need to be loved, nor will you be able to appreciate that love until you are completely happy and in love with yourself!
Your...Male Best Friend
So how can you help yourself or your girlfriends from keeping on the same path to Nowhere with 'Jerk' from Loserville??
1. Tell her it IS her that caused the mess.With this shock she'll be able the thoroughly analyze her screw ups. Why let your girl keep thinking nagging, pouting and bitching are ok?!!! Women are the best at placing the blame on 'him'. And yes, he probably is as bad as she says BUT why does she keep dating him- over and over again. Hmmmmm. Make her see her flaws, insecurities, 'Daddy Issues' or otherwise. She and the new HE will thank you for it later.
2. Encourage her to take up a hobby or go out ALONE.Call me crazy but there is nothing better than going to the movies or out to eat ALONE! It's so refreshing to see/ eat what YOU want when you want to. Any theater or restaurant is always happy to seat a party of one. :-) This will force her to keep her life balanced. Therefore when the new HE comes along he'll have to fit into her schedule instead of the other way around. Men love women with lives.
3. Keep her AWAY from We! TV and Oxygen Wedding shows. As a current addict myself, these types of shows don't help. All they do is become a constant reminder of the 'Loser'. Until she is OK with watching without thinking of her own wedding with 'Loser' can she be allowed to watch.
4. AFTER ALL of this....It is OK to tell her it is HIS LOSS AND NOT HERS! Because honestly and truly it will be. She will be secure in herself to see why she can do Bad all By Herself instead of wallowing and being needy for the next 'Ass' from Loserville. :-D
Lesson: Until we can stand ourselves no one else will be able to. Not only that but also due to the circumstances of life, we don't want her to become HER. As dear Champ describes, no one wants a HER. Ouch.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Daydreamer,
Great advice and thank you for sharing your story with my friends. Do know I am here to aid you in your journey from Loserville to Reality!
Quick comments on each section above:
1. Great stray away from the constant rhetoric of "all men are dogs"! Though I will say, blame can sometimes be one sided, but which side if not both is not always agreed upon. It is always good to fully analyze your failed relationships to completely move on and close that chapter, as well as learn from why it failed to better yourself and prepare you for the future "HE". Be honest with yourself and analyze with your brain and not your heart.
2.Keeping busy is a great way to take your mind off of the ex, and keep from back sliding into his drama. Though be sure to not get caught up in doing it because of him. Its an excellent opportunity to re-connect with yourself and passions in life, but over time make sure its all about you. Be sure not to be "Miss Too Independent" with your new carefree busy schedule. Do learn to Love yourself again, but not so caught up in "Me" that the new "HE" is pushed away.
3.These shows are detrimental even to the woman in a happy relationship, lol. Yes, do stay away. And general advice, NEVER PRESSURE A MAN INTO A RELATIONSHIP OR MARRIAGE. Not worth the "happiness" you desire which is now put in high risk for failure. Allow a man to move at a comfortable pace. (though lets not be silly friends, adults "dating" for 5 years or living together for 3, with not even the talk of "marriage" or future...somethings wrong)
4. KNOW YOUR WORTH!!! No one will love you like you need to be loved, nor will you be able to appreciate that love until you are completely happy and in love with yourself!
Your...Male Best Friend
Saturday, December 13, 2008
My Boyfriend Wants to Move In...
Anonymous said...
I have been with my current boyfriend for 2 year. We are getting serious and have been talking about marriage. However..we never lived together. He thinks we should move in now but I don't think so. I'm not super traditional but I would rather wait until we are married to live together. He says we need to see each others habits..but I think that "habits" should not be able to make or break a marriage...what do you think??
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Friend,
This is a very very tough topic in which many factors have to be considered in the decision process. You may need to email me on this one, though I'll address it best as I can here...
Marriage...One of the top 3 serious commitments a man and woman can make together (other two of the top three are having a child and buying a home). For better or worse, richer or poor, through sickness and health...Deep unconditional love beyond all flaws, even learning to love the flaws and accept them. This mind set is not easily achieved and seldom do young men realize the seriousness of this commitment before marriage. Yes, I'm sure he loves you, yes I believe that he may seriously be considering the marriage...though, moving in for the purpose of wanting to see your partners habits, is dangerous territory!
Marriage is a lifetime commitment. There is no problem that you have the option not to work through. There is no habit that you can despise enough to not want to be in the relationship anymore. When you are in the dating, BF/GF stage...you have that option...option to decide that you do not want to deal with a particular situation...option to decide that there is something about your significant other that you don't want to deal with for the rest of your life. Many many options. Marriage only has one option...MAKE IT WORK! Yes it is a choice either way, though marriage is a promise and commitment before the Lord to choose to stay and work it out till death, so you already know how that situation to arise 15 years from now will (is supposed to) turn out.
I have been with my current boyfriend for 2 year. We are getting serious and have been talking about marriage. However..we never lived together. He thinks we should move in now but I don't think so. I'm not super traditional but I would rather wait until we are married to live together. He says we need to see each others habits..but I think that "habits" should not be able to make or break a marriage...what do you think??
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Friend,
This is a very very tough topic in which many factors have to be considered in the decision process. You may need to email me on this one, though I'll address it best as I can here...
Marriage...One of the top 3 serious commitments a man and woman can make together (other two of the top three are having a child and buying a home). For better or worse, richer or poor, through sickness and health...Deep unconditional love beyond all flaws, even learning to love the flaws and accept them. This mind set is not easily achieved and seldom do young men realize the seriousness of this commitment before marriage. Yes, I'm sure he loves you, yes I believe that he may seriously be considering the marriage...though, moving in for the purpose of wanting to see your partners habits, is dangerous territory!
Marriage is a lifetime commitment. There is no problem that you have the option not to work through. There is no habit that you can despise enough to not want to be in the relationship anymore. When you are in the dating, BF/GF stage...you have that option...option to decide that you do not want to deal with a particular situation...option to decide that there is something about your significant other that you don't want to deal with for the rest of your life. Many many options. Marriage only has one option...MAKE IT WORK! Yes it is a choice either way, though marriage is a promise and commitment before the Lord to choose to stay and work it out till death, so you already know how that situation to arise 15 years from now will (is supposed to) turn out.
Living habits are a big deal. It is one of the first test a new marriage that waited to live together will face. So his concern is not invalid, though there is a much more mature way to not only prepare for living habits, but for all issues in marriage. Commitment to open communication, and healthy compromise. The fact of the matter is, there will be times in any marriage where a husband and wife do not see eye to eye. As this is the case with I'm sure in the dating stage as well. How do the two of you deal with conflict within. When there is an issue, can you two sit and talk about it without arguing, and come to a understanding? Have the two of you realized things about each other that you don't particularly care for though have not just chose to deal with it, but accepted it as part of the partner you've come to love?
One of the books I recommend is titled "The Five Love Languages". Being "In Love" is this state of euphoria you reach sometime in the first year of the relationship and can last as long as up to year two (2) or three (3) of the relationship. "Love" is a choice, and you choose to Love someone after the state of euphoria passes. After you mind and heart can actually coincide and love realistically, after they can no longer hide that they don't brush their teeth at nite, or they leave the toilet seat up, or they don't look cute/handsome everyday, and they skip a shower on Sundays (hopefully not)...Feel free to read the text for further detail.
You two may just be coming out of the "In Love" state and having to choose to Love each other, which takes some time. From a male perspective. Moving in is our version of...testing the waters. 'Yeah I love her, we've been talking about this marriage thing, though let me see if I can really do this. Maybe the two of you should have an open conversation over drinks one night about bad habits you have. Or I'm sure you both have started to notice things around when you visit each other. Use these things as preparation for living together when married, and feel free to bring them up in casual conversation so that your partner can begin to realize the issue and maybe work on it prior. Take this time to grow a deeper stronger bond and reach the true state of "love", Unconditional Love by choice!
Wrapping up, the only scenario I would suggest a non-married couple move in together is for serious financial reasons. And don't make this an excuse, it will only come back to haunt you. Living together releases a lot of your freedom and jumping the gun can harm a healthy growing relationship. Possibly, to save money and prepare yourself for marriage and the wedding...Move in after you're engaged (after a date is set). This shows that the two of you have made up in your mind that you are ready and on the move.
In Closing, Don't move him in friend!
Your...Male Best Friend
Friday, December 12, 2008
My Boyfriend Lost His Job...
Comment Post from Anonymous:
Anonymous said...
So...My Boyfriend recently lost his job due to a layoff. Sincethen...our reelationship has been on the rocks, he has been standoff-ish and i would say depressed. Of course I try to hold him down, And I do love him...though I dont know how else to support him or make things right. Any advice???
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Friend,
Your boyfriend is going through one of the most demoralizing things a man can experience. Not only losing his job, but dealing with not being able to be the “man” for his woman. The state of depression is normal, though it is vital that you do not allow him to fall so deep into the state that it is difficult for him to recuperate. It is important that you stay strong, for him, and your relationship and not feed into the sad feeling. You also definitely don’t want to be the girlfriend who is pressuring him to get a job because “I’m not going to be taking care of no man”, because that only demoralizes him further. Instead, support him…Maybe help him update his resume, or even surprise him and do it for him. Make him feel like you are behind his quest and that this is an opportunity for him to get that fresh start he always wanted. If there were any things he always complained about from his old job, bring them up, get him excited about the opportunity to move on and potentially find a better opportunity. Stick by this man in these troubling times and trust, he will love you like he has never loved before and will always be grateful. This is also an opportunity for you and your man to bond closer emotionally. You never want to argue with him about the situation, though clear, open honest calm communication is key in this period.
Now ladies…Trust, it should be the main priority of this man to find a new gig ASAP! YES…this is a depressing situation for a man, though as a man…you take the punches and roll with them never letting anything get the best of you. You usually are aware of the end of the road at your Job, and should be making plans for the next move prior to the current job is over. Stand by your love, though when you reach the border line of “Love and Foolish”, it might be time to go to plan B, lol. You’ll know the feeling when you hit that line, and if not…Feel free to consult me.
Hope this has helped.
Your…Male Best Friend
Anonymous said...
So...My Boyfriend recently lost his job due to a layoff. Sincethen...our reelationship has been on the rocks, he has been standoff-ish and i would say depressed. Of course I try to hold him down, And I do love him...though I dont know how else to support him or make things right. Any advice???
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Friend,
Your boyfriend is going through one of the most demoralizing things a man can experience. Not only losing his job, but dealing with not being able to be the “man” for his woman. The state of depression is normal, though it is vital that you do not allow him to fall so deep into the state that it is difficult for him to recuperate. It is important that you stay strong, for him, and your relationship and not feed into the sad feeling. You also definitely don’t want to be the girlfriend who is pressuring him to get a job because “I’m not going to be taking care of no man”, because that only demoralizes him further. Instead, support him…Maybe help him update his resume, or even surprise him and do it for him. Make him feel like you are behind his quest and that this is an opportunity for him to get that fresh start he always wanted. If there were any things he always complained about from his old job, bring them up, get him excited about the opportunity to move on and potentially find a better opportunity. Stick by this man in these troubling times and trust, he will love you like he has never loved before and will always be grateful. This is also an opportunity for you and your man to bond closer emotionally. You never want to argue with him about the situation, though clear, open honest calm communication is key in this period.
Now ladies…Trust, it should be the main priority of this man to find a new gig ASAP! YES…this is a depressing situation for a man, though as a man…you take the punches and roll with them never letting anything get the best of you. You usually are aware of the end of the road at your Job, and should be making plans for the next move prior to the current job is over. Stand by your love, though when you reach the border line of “Love and Foolish”, it might be time to go to plan B, lol. You’ll know the feeling when you hit that line, and if not…Feel free to consult me.
Hope this has helped.
Your…Male Best Friend
Thursday, December 11, 2008
Talk to Me
Post your question as a comment to this post, or email me and I will post the topic to start dialogue. Join the Blog...let me be :
YOUR...Male Best Friend
YOUR...Male Best Friend
Perfect Love...
Everyone longs to give themselves completely to someone, To have a deep soul relationship with another, To be loved thoroughly and exclusively, But God to a Christian says: "No, not until you are satisfied, fulfilled, and content With giving yourself totally and unreservedly to Me, With having an intensely personal and unique Relation with Me alone, Discovering that only in Me is your satisfaction to be found, Will you be capable of the perfect relationship That I have planned for you. You will never be united with another until you are united with Me, Exclusive of any other desires or longings. I want you to stop planning, stop wishing, and allow Me to give you the most thrilling plan existing One that you cannot imagine. I want you to have the best. Please allow Me to give it to you. You just keep watching Me, expecting the greatest things; Keep experiencing the satisfaction that I AM; Keep listening and learning the things that I tell you. You just wait, Do not be anxious, do not worry, Do not look at the things you want; You just keep looking off and the way up to Me Or you will miss what I want to show you. the one I have for you is ready (I am working even at this moment to Have both ready at the same time), Until you are both satisfied exclusively With ME and the life that I have prepared for you, You will not be able to experience the love that exemplifies Your relationship with Me, And this is the Perfect Love. And dear one, I want you to have this most wonderful love. I want you to see in the flesh a picture of your Relationship with Me, and to enjoy Materially and concretely, The everlasting union of beauty, perfectness, And love that I offer you with Myself. Know that I love you utterly. I am God. Believe, and be satisfied."
Welcome Friend! MUST READ FOR ALL FIRST TIME SUBSCRIBERS
MyMaleBestFriend is a site catered towards women ages 21 - 40, though open to all. The Blog will be a platform to discuss whatever hot topics or personal issues may come to mind relating to love, relationships and any other type of encounter with the opposite sex. The purpose of My Male Best Friend is to provide women with an open, honest male opinion...without being judged, free from ridicule, and with a holistic outlook on the situation while taking consideration from both the male and female perspective. The site will feature articles I find interesting and helpful, forum to post topics for discussion, and answer private questions which you can choose to have publically displayed or not… anonymously of course! I am your ear, your shoulder, your voice of reason, your answer of enlightenment to the rhetorical question. Let Me Be Your...Male Best Friend!
I am here to dedicate my mind and heart to your issue, question or comment…free of charge…asking nothing in return…EXCEPT 3 simple things…your continued subscription to my blog, your recommendation to friends, and to be open and honest with both me and yourself – so that I can best address your situation and help you to achieve peace of mind, understanding and happiness!
YOUR…Male Best Friend
I am here to dedicate my mind and heart to your issue, question or comment…free of charge…asking nothing in return…EXCEPT 3 simple things…your continued subscription to my blog, your recommendation to friends, and to be open and honest with both me and yourself – so that I can best address your situation and help you to achieve peace of mind, understanding and happiness!
YOUR…Male Best Friend
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